Fire Emblem Idol
by demonesszen
Summary: See Matthew as a blackmarketer, Raven as a king, and Lucius in mad monky mode all to answer the question: WHO IS THE FIRE EMBLEM IDOL?
1. Serra's Shot at Stardom

----

----------

----------------

Arianna: Yes, you read the title correctly! For those of you who weren't around this section back in my beginning days as a FE writer, this was my first story. However, since it was in script form, I ended up having to move it to my website and complete it there. Now that it is done, I'm going to start changing it into a normal style story. Or at least……as normal as my stories get. If you'd rather read the original script-form version, go to the link in my profile. And so, here's the prologue...

----

--------

-----------

Hello! This is just an idea I got while listening to American Idol and playing Fire Emblem. Just try to imagine this happening and you might laugh.

**Disclaimer** I don't own Fire Emblem, American Idol, or any of the songs.

----------

--------------------

------------------------

_The camera focuses in on Limstella……_

Hello! Welcome to Fire Emblem Idol, the show where we find talented singers, and nationally humiliate the untalented ones. Let's go to the audition room!

_The screen switches to inside audition room where the three judges are sitting at a table……_

Our judges this season are Eliwood,

"Look, Mom! I'm on the magic box thing!"

Arianna,

"I'm on TV! Hiya everybody!"

And Erk.

"I didn't want to be here." Erk points at Arianna. "She made me. I think this show is stupid."

Um...right…moving on. We have a whole crowd outside waiting to tryout to be THE **Fire Emblem Idol!**

_Music starts playing and we see that weird scene with the moving figure thing. The camera pans briefly over the line outside, then turns to the door to show Serra walking in._

"Sweet Elimine!" Erk cries. "Have mercy on my ears!"

_"_Hi Serra!" Arianna greets, cheerfully. "What will you be singing today?"

"I am going to sing "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion. " Serra tells her. "I dedicate this song to Lucius, who despite my attempts, still keeps rejecting me. I'm going to "talk" to him after this audition."

"But isn't the song about the fact Jack is dead or something?" Arianna asks, alarmed.

"Right." Serra replies, smiling devilishly.

_Somewhere in the line outside…._

"That's strange." Lucius says. "I'm feeling evil vibes coming from inside this building."

_Back in the audition room……_

"Okay, go ahead Serra." Arianna says, and in the most horrible, screeching voice you ever wished you didn't hear, Serra begins.

"**Every** **night in my dreams……..I see you….I feel you……**" she sings and Eliwood covers his ears as Erk grumbles.

"I feel a headache coming on." Arianna says quietly to her fellow judges.

(A/N: I'm skipping around the song.)

"**You're here, there's NOTHING-**" The window shatters.

"STOP!" Eliwood yells, his ears now bleeding as pieces of glass from the window scatters around him. "For the love of Elimine and eardrums, STOP!" Serra stops and looks at the judges nervously. Arianna cautiously uncovers her ears.

"Uhhh…Erk?" she says, designating him their speaker.

"Um…well…" Erk mumbles, trying to delay the inevitable. "Oh, heck with it, you SUCKED! That was the most horrible noise I have ever heard in my life! Stick to being a cleric, please." Serra starts crying.

"I tried so hard! All I ever wanted was to be a singer! How can you not think I'm wonderful? Blah blah blah…." (whatever else the people always say when they get rejected) Arianna rubs her fingers together.

"My little violin is playing for you." she tells Serra. Eliwood is confused and looking at her fingers.

"I don't see any violin." he says.

"GoodBYE, Serra." Erk dismisses the disappointed girl and she stomps out of the room angrily screaming about curses and lawyers and such. In the silence that follows the slamming of the door, Arianna says-

"Well, that was not a good way to start."

"I need an aspirin." Erk complains, putting his head down on his arms.

_Back to the host, Limstella……_

Looks like Serra doesn't have what it takes. But maybe one of these other screaming, cheering people standing outside does. Tune in next time to see-

-- Preview --

Fiora getting dirrty,

"Get fired up and PARTY! Wanna get DIRTY!"

And Sain singing about his love life,

"This love has taken its toll on me, she said goodbye too many times before."

-- End Preview --

Buh bye!

-cue music and animations-

-------------------------------------------------------------------

----------------

----------------------------

Okay, just trying to get things started here. I have many funny ideas for future ones. I'm actually planning on having the "audience" vote for who wins. I picked the song "My Heart Will Go On" because of a personal trauma of mine involving a talent show and forgetting the words and having to improvise. :) Please review!

----

--------

**NOTE** Since this is a completed story, there will be no voting, and therefore I am not violating any rules. I will just be using the results from the original.

-----

-----------


	2. Singing Sain

-----

-----------

-----------------

**NOTE**: Woah…..it's weird to think that I wrote this chapter when I was twelve. To clear some things up: _Italics_ _tell the scene or add emphasis to someone's words, _**bold is loudness, **and the words that aren't in parentheses or italics are Limstella's, the hostess.

----

---------

-------------------

_In a room with a big, purple, inflatable couch that has three occupants…._

Arianna: Hello again! I am here today with Hiei from Yu Yu Hakusho on my left, and the Angel of Death himself on my right.

Hiei: Hn

Jaffar: …

Arianna: In today's show-

Latisha: Hey, Ri! Phone call!

Arianna: Oh. Hold on a sec while I answer that. You two talk amongst yourselves while I'm gone.

Hiei: -glares at Jaffar-

Jaffar: …

Hiei: Hn

Jaffar: -glares at Hiei-

Hiei: - fidgets-

Jaffar: -1 eye twitches-

Hiei: -3 eyes twitch- (A/N Hiei has a 3rd eye called a jagan eye, for those of you that aren't YYH fans)

Arianna: I'm back! Did you two have a nice conversation?

Jaffar: …

Hiei: Hn

Arianna: Okay. On with the show!

--------------

-------------------

**Disclaimer** I do not own American Idol, Fire Emblem, Hiei, or any of these songs. I do, however, own the character Latisha and the purple inflatable couch. Its name is Henry.

--------------

------

_The camera is on a blurry image…._

"No, keep trying!" the image says with Limstella's voice. The camera focuses in clearly to show Limstella.

"There! Good! Hello, and welcome to another episode of Fire Emblem Idol! Today you will see more humiliation, and a little talent."

_After the intro music and animation, the camera goes to audition rooms where the judges are looking more nervous then the auditioners._

Arianna picks up a paper. "Next is Fiora."

"What?" Erk exclaims as Fiora walks in wearing a mix of leather and spandex.

"Hello! Today I will be singing "Dirrty" by Christinia Aguilera." she tells the judges, then she starts doing something that looks very much like a strip dance. "Wanna get ROWDY! Gonna get a little UNRULY! Get it fired up in a HURRY! Wanna get DIRTY!"

"It's Fiora GONE _WILD_!" Eliwood jokes, but he's the only one laughing.

"AHHH! My eyes!" Erk screams and holds his paper over them.

"Actually…..she's not that bad a singer." Eliwood comments.

"I'm covering my eyes, not my ears, idiot." Erk tells him. Meanwhile, Fiora is continuing to remove clothing and throws her jacket at Erk.

"Sweat dripping over my BODY! Dancing getting just a little NAUGHTY!"

"Just a little?" Arianna repeats incredulously. "Because of you, we're now going to have to change the rating!"

"Wanna get DIRTY! It's about time for my arrival!" Fiora starts to take her top off.

"And about time for you to say goodbye. SECURITY!" Arianna shouts. Hawkeye comes in and drags Fiora out, kicking and screaming.

"Phew…." Erk sighs, relieved. Eliwood pouts.

"She wasn't _that_ bad."

"Whatever. NEXT!" Erk yells and Sain walks in. "No way. NEXT! _NEXT!_"

Arianna, with hearts in her eyes, says "Hi, Sain! And why do you want to be the Fire Emblem Idol?"

"To charm the ladies, of course." he replies, giving a typical Sain grin. Arianna swoons. Erk and Eliwood look disgusted.

"What are you singing?" Eliwood asks.

"_This Love_ by Maroon 5. Here it goes." says Sain and he starts to sing. "I was so high I did not recognize, the fire burning in her eyes, the chaos that controlled my mind." Hearts float around Arianna's head and Eliwood tries to pop them with his pencil. Sain walks up to Arianna and grabs her hand. "Whispered goodbye and she got on the plane, never to return again, but always in my heart."

"That's enough!" Eliwood interrupts before Arianna faints. "Erk?"

"H-he's actually good!" says Erk, in a state of shock.

"Um, Arianna?" Eliwood says, turning to her. She sighs happily.

"_Definitely_ yes."

"I say yes. But please stop with the flirting. Erk?" Eliwood asks again, since Erk has still yet to give them a clear answer. Erk is still in his shocked state so he still doesn't reply.

"Oh well.Two yeses, we don't need his opinion! You're going to the Dread Island!" Arianna tells Sain.

"Yeah!" Sain cheers, but then he thinks a moment. "Wait, why would I want to go there?"

"Because that's where we're having the final competition." Arianna tells him with a mischievous smile.

"Oh. Yay!" Sain continues his cheering. "Okay, bye!" he calls as he runs back out the door. Arianna sighs again, Eliwood looks like he's gonna throw up, and Erk is still staring into space mumbling to himself.

_In waiting room as Sain comes out….._

"I got in! I GOT IN!" he yells to anyone who will listen.

"Good for you, Sain!" Lyn congratulates him and Isadora claps.

"Is it my turn yet?" Kent asks in a bored tone.

"You're trying out?" Sain asks him, startled.

" ….yes. So?" Kent says, annoyed. Sain's jaw drops.

"Go for it, Kent!" Lyn encourages him.

Before we see how that goes, let's talk to the ones that didn't make it.

_Camera switches to Serra…._

"I can't believe you, Erky!" she whines loudly. "How could you reject me? I thought you loved me! Waaaaaahh….oh!" she stops crying as she suddenly spots a certain blonde monk. "LUCIUS! Come here!" Serra orders.

"AHHH!" Lucius screams when he sees Serra's angry face. "Evil found! Evil found! RUUUUuuuunnnn……" he yells, and does just that. Serra chases him with her staff.

"Come back, Lucius! I just want to "talk"!"

_Camera switches to Fiora who is standing with Farina……_

"I can't believe those damn judges didn't like me!" Fiora complains angrily.

"Hey, is she allowed to say that?" Heath asks.

Doesn't matter. She's already gave us a PG13 rating.

"When I get in there, I'm going to give those **BLEEP** a piece of my mind!" Farina rants. "They'll change their **BLEEP BLEEP** minds! I'll-"

SECURITY! We have rowdy ones here!

_Hawkeye comes in and drags both Fiora and Farina out……_

Well, now our judges are slightly hopeful with the recent success of Sain. But can Kent prove himself as good at singing as he is on the battlefield? Tune in next show to find out!

-- PREVIEW --

Kent has his shot at the spotlight

"I'm going to be singing the song _She Bangs_ by Ricki Martin."

"Oh no. I saw a guy sing this on Arianna's magic box on the real Idol show. This is not going to be pretty."

-- END PREVIEW --

-----------------

-----------------------

Arianna: Hello from Henry again!

Hiei: Why did you name a couch, stupid human?

Arianna: Not sure. And I'm not a human! I'm a demoness! I SWEAR! Muhahahahahahaha!

Latisha: -bangs Arianna over the head with a tray of cookies- Please review. And pretty please, no flames. There's enough hate in the world.

Jaffar: …

Latisha: Oh ya, and don't expect the next episode until Friday because of the horror called school taking over the weekdays. Ta ta!

----

----------

-----------


	3. BootyShaking Bartre

-----

--------------

----------------------

_Sitting on Henry….._

Latisha: -plays trumpet-

Arianna: This is going to be a longer chapter! I'm trying to get the auditions done. I'm going to have 12 people going to the Dread Island. Those 12 people will be grouped into 4 groups of 3 to perform. They may choose whatever song they like, but they all must sing lead at some point. Then the 12 people will be divided into 6, and those 6 people will be voted on by you faithful viewers to determine the last 2 contestants. I'm making this shorter then the real show because I don't want to be sitting in a nursing home at age 80 still typing this.

Latisha: More like you're being lazy.

Arianna: -sweatdrop- No! I just have lots of story ideas I want to work on!

Latisha: Sure….

Arianna: SHUT UP! -ahem- Thank you so much for the reviews! I am deeply touched. I think I'm getting teary-eyed. -sniff sniff-

Latisha: Cry baby.

Arianna: Anyways, enough with my yapping, on with the show!

-------

**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own Fire Emblem, American Idol, or any of these songs. I do however own the idea of putting Fire Emblem characters in American Idol. And I also own the character Latisha and Henry the Purple Inflatable Couch.

------

When we last left off, Kent was about to enter the audition room.

_Kent__ walks in carrying a boom box._

"Hi, Kent!" Arianna says, waving.

"Kent?" a surprised Eliwood echoes.

"I am going to be singing the song _She Bangs _by Ricki Martin." Kent says.

"Oh no. I saw a guy sing this on Arianna's magic box on the real Idol show. This is not going to be pretty." Eliwood tells Erk. Kent turns on music and starts dancing like Ricki Martin.

"Talk to me, tell me your name. You blow me off like it's all the same. You lit a fuse now I'm ticking away, like a bomb…yeah baby. Talk to me, tell me your sign. You're switching sides like a Gemini. You're playing games and now you're hittin' my heart, like a drum….yeah baby." Kent grabs Arianna and starts dancing with her. "Well if Lady Luck, gets on my side we're gonna rock this town alive. I'll let her rough me up 'till she knocks me out 'cause she walks like she talks and she talks like she walks and SHE BANGS! SHE BANGS!" He spins Arianna. "Oh baby when she moves! She moves!" Arianna falls back into her seat, dizzy. She looks very swirly-eyed. "I go crazy 'cause she looks like a flower but she stings like a bee. Like every girl in history."

"Arianna, are you okay?" Erk asks, not really concerned about her but worried she might throw up. And throw up is ucky.

"SHE BANGS! SHE BANGS! I'm wasted by the way she moves! She moves! No one's every looked so fine. She reminds me that a woman's got one thing on her mind." Kent does a finishing pose and turns the boom box off.

"Wow, Kent. Does Lyn know you can dance like that?" Eliwood asks. Kent opts to not reply. "I say yes. Arianna?" But Arianna is still very swirly-eyed and dizzy. Erk gets a bucket of water and throws it on her.

"Eeeek! Cold!" she shrieks, "Huh? What's going on?"

"Yes or no, Ari." Erk says.

"Definitely yes!"

"I was rather scared by the dancing…." Erk tells Kent, "…but I say yes. See you on the Dread Island." Kent looks very unexcited.

"Okay."

_Back In Waiting Room……._

"Here he comes!" Lyn cries, but then she notices his expression. "Oh no. He doesn't look happy."

"Does he ever?" Sain asks.

"I'm so sorry, Kent." Lyn says comfortingly. Kent looks at her blankly.

"Why? I made it."

"Oh. Good job." Lyn says, now smiling.

"…….." is Kent's reply.

_Back to Limstella……._

So Kent made it. And he's obviously very excited.

" …….whatever." Kent says, looking bored.

"Right." Limstella agrees with a sigh. "Let's find someone more excited. You!" she calls out to a passing girl, "Blonde girl! Come here for a second!"

"Um…hi?" the girl says in a very fake sounding voice.

"Hello. Are you excited?" Limstella asks. The girl nods her head and her hair slides a bit to reveal some blue-green.

"Yes, very." she answers, but Limstella is looking at her hair suspiciously. Sain runs by with Raven chasing him.

"I didn't touch your sister, I swear!" Sain screams at the angry mercenary.

"BUT YOU WERE THINKING ABOUT IT!" Raven yells back.

"Psycho!" Sain mutters and keeps running. As Raven runs by he bumps the "Blonde" girl and knocks her hair off to reveal……….FIORA!

"Eeeek!" Fiora screams and runs off.

"Fiora! You were disqualified!" Limstella yells after her. "Hawkeye, get her!"

_THUMP THUMP THUMP_ goes Hawkeye and the room starts shaking.

"AHHHH! EARTHQUAKE!" Wil screams from the side of the room.

" Eeeeek!" Rebecca screeches. (A/N That's the 3rd "eeeek" this chapter) The room turns to craziness as everyone panics. People dive under chairs and tables. Some run out of the building screaming and cause the line to stampede. Limstella looks at the chaos outside and sweatdrops.

"Commercial break."

-- COMMERCIAL--

_The scene is a field. Erk is standing with Nils behind him….._

"Tired of loud, annoying, little boys who play flutes?" Erk asks.

"TWEET TWEET TWEET!" goes Nils on his flute.

"Well, now you can stop them with this new baseball bat!" Erk holds up a shiny bat.

"TWEE-wait, what?" Nils says, no longer playing his flute.

"Hehehe…" Erk chuckles and starts chasing Nils with the bat.

"This wasn't in my contract!" Nils exclaims. Nino comes on screen to finish the commercial.

"Buy now for just 7.99$! 40 gold!" Nino says with her trademark smile. "Can also be used to play baseball. Call 1-800-NONEXISTANT#. No Nils were harmed in the making of this commercial, I _think_." Nils is still running in the background.

"HELP! LORD ELIWOOD!"

-- END COMMERCIAL --

_The camera pans the wrecked waiting room…._

We're back. Or what's left of us. Things have calmed down a bit, but we're having trouble finding the janitor. And Hawkeye is still looking for Fiora.

_THUMP THUMP THUMP_

"EARTH-" Wil starts to yell but Rebecca clamps a hand over his mouth.

"Don't say it!" she warns.

Hurry up and go to the audition room!

_Camera goes back to the audition room where judges look confused…._

"Is no one else coming?" Eliwood asks.

"I think they got attacked." Arianna answers. "Did you hear that screaming?"

"I think Serra came back to sing for them." Erk jokes, but then Nils walks in.

"Hi!" he greets the three judges.

"Aren't you too young for this?" Arianna asks him.

"I don't know. I was just standing by the door and someone shoved me in here." Nils explains. Erk puts in some earplugs.

"Okay. Go ahead, Nils."

"Row, row , row your boat, gently down the stream." Nils sings, stopping momentarily to play his flute. "Throw Erk overboard and listen to him scream." Eliwood laughs loudly and Erk looks at him, confused.

"What? What's he singing?" Erk asks, but he's ignored.

"Nine weeks later, floating down to Caelin. Stabbed by Raven. Nine months later, ummm…gets stabbed again! And that's how Erk-"

"That's enough! Nils, you're too young to do this show. And you forgot the words." Arianna tells him and Nils' bottom lip trembles.

"Eeeeliwooood!" he whines.

"Uh, _I_ thought it was entertaining." Eliwood says. Erk takes his earplugs out.

"Well?"

"No." Arianna votes.

"Yes." says Eliwood.

"NO! Ha ha!" Erk exclaims, laughing sadistically.

"Waaaah! Eliwood!" Nils cries.

"Sorry, Nils." Eliwoodsays tohim, shruggingapologetically.

"Waaah! Ninian!" Nils runs out crying.

"Seriously, what did he sing?" Erk asks again. The other two still ignore him.

"NEXT!" Arianna yells and Nino walks in.

"Hello, Nino. What are you going to sing?"

"I'm singing _Angel of Mine_ by Monica. I'm dedicating this song to Jaffar." she says cheerfully.

"Go ahead." Eliwood says with a warm smile.

"When I first saw you, I already knew. There was something, inside of you. Something I thought that I would never find. Angel of mine."

"Awwwww…." Arianna cooes.

"Why do girls always go "aw"?" Erk says.

"Awww……." Eliwood cooes.

"Nevermind." Erk mutters, a sweat drop running down the side of his face.

"I looked at you, looking at me. Now I know why they say the best things are free. Gonna love you boy you are so fine. Angel of mine. What you mean to me you'll never know. I'm different now, you helped me grow. You came into my life, sent from above. When I lost all hope, you showed me love. I'm checking for ya boy you're right on time. Angel of mine."

"Okay, thank you." Erk cuts her off. "Eliwood?"

"Awwwww…" Eliwood cooes.

"Stop saying that! It's disturbing." Erk yells.

"I say yes. Ari?" Eliwood turns to the tactician.

"Yes. Very cute." Arianna agrees.

"Yes." Erk says shortly.

"Yay!" Nino cheers and hops up and down.

"See you on the Dread Island." Arianna smiles and waves as Nino skips out of the room.

_Back in the waiting room….._

We are waiting to see Nino.

" …" Jaffar comments. Nino soon comes skipping out of the room.

"I made it!" she exclaims, twirling around.

"…"

That's great! Isn't it, Jaffar?

"…"

Sigh, I don't know why I bother.

_Back to auditions…._

Bartre walks in and Eliwood looks properly horrified (for once).

"Oh boy." Eliwood says.

"Hello, Bartre. Why do you want to be the "Fire Emblem Idol"?" Arianna asks politely.

"I am Bartre, the best singer in the land! I shall be famous!" he announces and beats his chest. The judges stare.

"Riiight. What are you singing?"

"I'm singing _Too Sexy_ by Right Said Fred."

**WARNING:**** SENSITIVE VIEWERS, TURN OFF YOUR TV NOW AND GO LOOK AT PICTURES OF PUPPIES AND KITTIES.**

Erk puts his earplugs back in and holds papers over his eyes. "Okay, go ahead!" he says. Bartre starts shaking his hips.

"I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts. And I'm too sexy for Caelin, too sexy for Caelin, Karla, and Japan." He takes off his shirt.

"AHHH! MY EYES!" Arianna screams and passes out from fright.

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Eliwood yells. Erk nudges Arianna with his foot.

"Wuh?" she mumbles and sits up long enough to see Bartre again and pass out (again).

"PUT YOUR SHIRT BACK ON!" Eliwood orders the apish man. "Ari? Wake up!" She sits up, rubbing her head.

"Ugh….the horror...the nightmares that will now forever plague me…." she groans.

"How'd I do?" Bartre asks.

"Lets make this quick. NO. Goodbye." Eliwood says, actually using a rude attitude (SHOCK). Bartre stomps out of the room yelling about being too sexy for this show.

**IT IS NOW SAFE TO RETURN TO YOUR TV**

Erk takes his earplugs out. "Is it over?" he asks the other two. Lowen comes flying in and runs straight into a wall. Erk sticks his earplugs back in. "That's a no." he says, answering his own question. Lowen stumbles around and eventually manages to find the correct spot.

"Hehe. Sorry about that." he apologizes and grins.

"Hi, Lowen. What are you singing?" Eliwood says in a friendly voice. Lowen, however, is standing with his back to the judges.

"_Addicted to Spuds_ by Weird Al." he answers.

"Okay. And, um, we're this way, Lowen." Eliwood informs him.

"Whoops. Didn't see you there." he says as he turns around.

"No kidding. I'm surprised you're actually allowed to fight with hair like that." Arianna comments. "Okay, sing now." Lowen clears his throat.

"Me me me me me. Doe ray me fa so la tea doe. Okay, here I go."

"Zzzz…" goes the half-asleep Erk.

"Potato skins, potato cakes. Hash browns, and instant flakes. Baked or boiled, or French fried. There's no kind, you haven't tried. You planned a trip, to Idaho, just to watch, potatoes grow. I understand, how you must feel, I can't deny, they've got a peel. Whoooa you like 'em whether they are plain or they're stuffed, oh yeah. Better face the facts it seems you can't get enough, you know you're gonna have to face it you're addicted to spuds."

"That's enough!" Arianna cries out, laughing. She falls off her chair. "Thank you." she manages to say before once again collapsing into snorting laughter.

"I take it we're going to be eating potatoes for dinner tonight?" Eliwood grumbles. Lowen smiles.

"Yup."

"Strange song, but you can sing. I say yes. Ari? Are you composed now?" Eliwood asks and Arianna sits up.

"You're a fine one to talk about composure." she says snidely to him before turning to Lowen. "Very funny song. I say yes. Erky?"

"What? I can't hear you." Erk says. Arianna knocks him on the head so his earplugs fall out.

"Ow." he grumbles, rubbing his head.

"Two yeses so you're going to the Dread Island." Arianna tells Lowen.

"All right!" Lowen yells. He tries to run out thedoor, but he doesn't see it's closed….

SPLAT!

"Ouchie…" he mumbles before passing out.

"MEDIC!" Erk shouts.

"You called, Erky?" Serra asks, walking into the room.

"AHHH! What are you doing here?" Erk demands.

"Priscilla wants to try out, which makes me the only available healer since you all so rudely rejected me." Serra sniffs, trying to get some pity. Eliwood completely misses it.

"That's nice. Fix Lowen up." he commands. Serra grudgingly drags Lowen off, grumbling the whole way and banging Lowen into everything nearby. Arianna winces in sympathy pain.

"He won't be waking up anytime soon." she says. As the judges are looking at the door, Hector walks in.

"Hector?" Eliwood says incredulously. "You know you failed choir class."

"Shut up! I have a dream!"

"Where'd my earplugs go?" Erk complains, already searching on the ground for them.

_Camera goes back to Limstella……_

That's concludes another episode of "Fire Emblem Idol". Will Lowen ever cut his hair? Will Serra ever heal him? Will Hawkeye catch Fiora? Will Erk find his earplugs? And will these auditions ever end? Stay tuned for a preview of the next episode.

-- PREVIEW --

Hector pushes the PG13 rating.

"**SHE &$#&$ HATES ME!**"

And Karel and his obsession with killing.

"Hey, we're gonna get you too, another one bites the dust!"

- - END - -

---------------------

------------------------

- sitting on Henry -

Arianna: Hello! I'm here with Jaffar, Latisha, Eliwood, and Heath, who is making his debut in this fic!

Heath: Wassup?

Arianna: I said I would update this story on Friday, but I guess it's officially Saturday since it's 12:30 a.m. and I am EXHAUSTED! I blame all unfunniness on how scary my sense of humor gets when I'm tired. Anyways, Jaffar, how did you feel about Nino dedicating that song to you?

Jaffar: …

Latisha: Wow, that's deep.

Heath: -snickers-

Eliwood: Snickers, where?

Latisha: The laugh, not the candy bar. Heath was snickering.

Eliwood: Heath Bar, where? -looks at Heath- Caaandy...

Heath: Uh oh.

Arianna: I'm too tired for this. rxtr57dreuhf

Heath: What was that last part?

Latisha: She fell asleep on the keyboard.

Arianna: -SNORE-

Jaffar: -brings out whip cream can with evil smirk-

Latisha: -sigh- Please-

Heath: Oooh, can I say it?

Latisha: Sure, whatever.

Heath: PLEASE review!

Eliwood: -getting feathers to stick to Arianna's face with cream- Goodnight!

-------

-------------

----------------------

------------------------------


	4. Karel's a Table Killer

------------------

-----------------

------------

-On Henry. As usual-

Arianna: I'm back!

Latisha: Darn!

Arianna: Thank you for the reviews! You people are so nice. I won't waste time here. I'll waste time at the end of the story.

---------

----------

**DISCLAIMER**: I do not own Fire Emblem, American Idol, Ebay, or any of the songs. I do own the character Latisha. (As if anyone wants her)

Latisha: Hey!

And Henry the inflatable couch. I also own the idea of Fire Emblem Idol.

------------------

--------------------

When we left off, Hector was just about to sing.

"Okay, go ahead and sing Hector." Eliwood says, resigning himself to just getting it over with.

"Met a girl, thought she was grand. Fell in love, found out first hand. It went well for a week or two. Then it all came unglued. In a trap, trip I can't grip. Never thought I'd be the one who slipped. Then I started to realize. I was living, one big lie she &$#&$#&! hates me." Hector sings in a predictably bad voice.

"Turn on the beep machine!" Arianna orders, panicked.

"She –beep- hates me! Trust! She –beep- hates me! La-la-la love! I tried too hard and she tore my feelings like I have none, and ripped them away."

"Okay, STOP! Eliwood?" Arianna says, putting him on the spot. Eliwood sighs and shrugs at Hector.

"I told you that you couldn't sing." Eliwood informs him in an 'I-told-ya-man' kind of voice. Dramatic music begins to play in the background and Hector's eyes become teary.

"But it's my dream! How could I give up on my dream?" he demands. Eliwood sniffles like the softie he is.

"Aw, all right. I say yes. Ri?"

"Sorry, but you sounded like a dying pig." Arianna says bluntly, for once being the cold one. "Or dying cow. Or pretty much any other dying farm animal. I say NO. Erk?" The mage is on the floor looking for his earplugs.

"I can't find them!" he yells in frustration.

"You don't need them. He's done." Eliwood points out. Erk raises his head and says,

"Oh, is that what that horrible noise was?"

Hector growls angrily and raises his axe in a threatening manner. (But when does anyone ever raise an axe at someone in a _non_-threatening manner?) Arianna screams for security, but it's too late. Hector chops the table in half as Eliwood and Arianna jump out of their chairs to save their legs. Erk, still looking for his earplugs, doesn't notice the collapsing table.

"What? Ahhh-"

_THUNK_

And Erk is knocked out.

"ERRRRKKKKYYY!" Arianna cries, throwing herself over him in a dramatic manner. Hawkeye finally arrives and drags Hector out.

"-beeeep- **STUPID JUDGES** -beep- talent -beeeep-!" he swears and chops the door on his way out. Arianna and Eliwood attempt to revive Erk.

-

Arianna throws water on him.

: No Movement :

Eliwood slaps him.

: Still Out Cold :

Arianna sighs. "I guess we'll have to get Serra to heal him."

: BINGO:

Erk sits up. "No! I'm fine!" he announces.

"But you have a big bump on your head."

Erk looks at his reflection in a window and sees a huge lump on his head. Groaning, he pulls his cape over it.

"Can we continue now?" Eliwood asks.

: Please Do :

"I'm confused." Arianna states, forehead wrinkling to fully display confusedness. "I'm talking here, and I'm talking there."

: Try Not To Think About It :

"You're right. Might hurt my head." Arianna agrees, smiling and continuing on her merry way.

"She's losing it. She's talking to herself." Eliwood whispers to Erk.

"She never _had _it." Erk replies.

"Um, we need a new table." Arianna says, pointing at the splintered remains of their axe-chopped one.

"And a door." Erk adds. "And I probably need some ice for my head."

"Looks like another opportunity to slip in commercials!" Eliwood announces and a groan is heard around the set.

-- COMMERCIAL --

The scene is a very cheesy looking, brightly colored set.

"Hello, and welcome to the Shopping Network!" Lucius says.

"Yay!" Nino and Louise cheer, being the very cheerful persons they are.

"Today we are selling official "Fire Emblem Idol" merchandise!" Lucius announces, gesturing at the table set up near him with various junk on it.

"Ooooooo…." goes the crowd.

"First Item: Erky Dolls!" Lucius holds up a small replica of the mage. "A miniature model of the Anima Mage/Sage, Erk! Only 127.99$! 2,000 gold!"

Guy is standing at the side looking bored. Louise elbows him sharply.

"Huh? Oh. What _does_ it do?" he asks loudly.

"I'm so glad you asked that!" Lucius replies, grinning widely. Guy looks disturbed.

"This original doll comes with a button that makes the doll shoot out Elfire!" the monk tells the audience and they look properly amazed. "I shall demonstrate. Guy?"

"I am the enemy. Fear me." Guy mumbles, very unenthusiastic. Lucius presses the button and fire shoots at Guy, instantly setting him ablaze.

"**AHHHHH!**" he screams and runs around. Nino throws a bucket of water on him.

"Order now! Call 275-HEY! BRING THOSE BACK!" Lucius breaks off with a shout as he sees Matthew running off with a big bag of Erky Dolls.

"He he he! I'm selling these on Ebay!" Matthew says gleefully and runs off the set.

"Grrr…umm….one moment please…." Lucius tells the audience and then takes off after the thieving thief. "GET BACK HERE!" Nino and Louise join the pursuit, but Guy just sighs and goes to find where he picks up his paycheck.

-- END COMMERCIAL --

_In Waiting Room……_

Well, that was a good waste of time. The audition room is still being refurbished. While we wait, let's talk to people who are auditioning.

_Camera moves to show both Limstella and Karel_…..

"Hello, Karel. Why are you auditioning?" Limstella asks. Karel stares straight ahead and for a moment Limstella believes he's not going to answer, but then finally he speaks.

"….I will be the best…no one shall stand in my way…"

"Okay." Limstella says with a fake smile while thinking '_Freeeeaak__…._' . "Let's go see some other auditioners."

_Lyn is sitting on a bench by the elevators….._

"Hello, Lyn. Why are you trying out?"

"Well, Eliwood is a judge and Hector can't sing so I figured _one_ of the main characters had to audition." Lyn explains.

"Hector auditioned." Limstella informs her.

(A/N: This has nothing to do with anything (( What does that mean?)) but is anyone besides me reminded of cheese when they read Limstella's name? No? Just me? Okay.)

"Oh no. Was it bad?" Lyn asks, horrified.

"Very. He's the reason we had to buy a new table."

"Erm…….anyways. I am confident I'll make it."

"Alright, back to auditions."

_Karel walks into audition room. Erk, Arianna, and Eliwood are sitting at a new table. Erk has ice on his head….._

Karel stops and stares at Erk. "You smell of blood."

"Hello to you, too, Karel." Erk replies sarcastically. "What are you singing?"

"_Another One Bites the Dust_ by Queen."

"A song about killing. Of course." Erk remarks. Karel brings out his sword to assist him.

"Steve walks warily down the street. With his brim pulled way down low. Ain't no sound but the sound of his feet. Machine guns ready to go." He does moves with his sword.

(A/N: If you're a pervert, just stop thinking now!)

"Are you ready, hey, are you ready for this? Are you hanging on the edge of your seat? Out of the doorway the bullets rip. To the sound of the beat, yeah." Karel does that move where he disappears into the ceiling.

"Spider man, spider man, does whatever a spider can…" Arianna sings idly.

"Another one bites the dust." Karel suddenly appears out of nowhere and, CRACK, chops the new table in half.

"I knew that was gonna happen." Erk says and sighs.

"No! WHY!" Arianna cries, throwing herself over the remains of the newly destroyed new table. "I guess the table just wasn't meant to be…." she sobs.

"Enough, drama queen." Erk says, yanking her back into her chair. "Karel, I thought it was cool."

"How could you?" Arianna demands hysterically. "He's a table killer!"

"I kill more than just tables." Karel informs her with an evil glare that has 'shut your whiny mouth' written all over it.

"Eh hehe…" Arianna laughs nervously and hides behind her chair. "I say yes."

"I say yes. You're going to the Dread Island." Eliwood chimes in.

"Okay. Goodbye." Karel responds and walks out spinning his sword.

"Another excited potential idol. " Erk says, putting his head on his arms. Eliwood looks confused.

"What's poe-ten-shell mean?" he asks but before anyone can answer Lyn walks in.

"Hello!" she greets cheerily, but then she notices the chopped table. "Um, I thought you guys were getting a new table? And your head seems bigger for some reason, Erk."

"Shaddup." Erk grumbles, pulling the cape tighter over his head. Arianna bursts into tears at being reminded of the destroyed table.

"It was so horrible, Lyn!" she sobs, "K-Karel just came in and h-he just chopped the table in half!" Eliwood hands her a handkerchief and she blows her nose loudly. Lyn looks uncomfortable.

"Uhhhh….." Lyn says, unsure of how to respond. Erk saves her the trouble.

"You're a crybaby, Ri." he informs the traumatized tactician.

(A/N: That's the second time I've been called that this story.)

Arianna sniffles. "Okay. You can start now, Lyn."

"I'm singing _Stronger_ by Britney Spears."

Arianna makes gagging motions, but Lyn ignores her.

"Hush just stop. There's nothing you can do or say, baby. I've had enough. I'm not your property as from today, baby. You might think that I won't make it, on my own. But now I'm stronger then yesterday! Now it's nothing but my way! My loneliness ain't killing me no more. I'm stronger!" she sings and then stands stock-still while waiting for the judges' responses.

"Very nice. I say yes." Eliwood tells her, smiling.

"I agree. Yes." Arianna chimes in. "See you at Valor Island."

"WOOHOO!" Lyn cheers as something snaps in her brain and she runs screaming out of the room.

_Back in waiting room.__ Lyn comes running out…_

"WHEEEEE! I made it!" she announces loudly, hopping around the room.

"……congratulations…" Kent replies, a tad bit frightened by her hyper behavior.

"That's wonderful, Lady Lyndis!" Sain says.

"YAY!" Lyn bounces of a wall.

"It's nice to see someone excited, but she's overdoing it a little." Limstella comments.

"HEE HEE HEE!" Lyn giggles as she begins to run circles around Kent. The Caelin knight gets dizzy trying to follow her with his eyes.

_In a random hallway….._

_THUMP THUMP THUMP _goes Hawkeye.

_Run Run Run_ goes Fiora.

_THUMP THUMP THUMP_

Fiora runs around a corner.

_THUMP THUMP THUMP_

Hawkeye chases Fiora around the corner only to come face-to-face with Fiora's Gang of Evil Myrmidons.

"Hehehe….." FGoEM chuckle lightly as they all draw killing edges.

"Swords versus axe…" Hawkeye thinks out loud. " MOMMY! AHHH!" he cries, turning around and running.

_THUMP THUMP THUMP_

Fiora, on her Pegasus, commands her myrmidon group. "Get him! Eeeheeheehee!"

(A/N: I have a friend who laughs like that.

Erk: You have friends? Wow.)

_Back to the audition room…._

"Um..hi…" Florina says quietly, nervously approaching the center of the room.

"Hello, Florina!" Eliwood greets with a big smile that is _supposed_ to be reassuring, but kinda creeps the girl out.

"Are you sure you're up to this?" Erk asks observing the increasingly violent tremors that are shaking her body.

"Um…uh...yes…." she stumbles to reply.

"Okay then. What are you singing?"

"_Sometimes_ by Britney Spears."

"Ugh." Arianna groans. "Two Britney Spears songs in a row. B.S. songs. Heehee!" Eliwood thwacks her with a rolled up paper.

"You're not helping her nerves!" he scolds. Arianna glares at him, offended.

"Don't hit me! That's abuse! I'm filing a restraining order against you!"

"What's a restraining order?" Eliwood asks, blinking.

"Um…uh…." Florina timidly tries to interrupt.

"Just go ahead and ignore them, Florina." Erk advises.

"You tell me you're in love with me. Like you can't take your pretty eyes away from me. It's not that I don't want to stay. But every time you come too close I move away." she begins singing in a soft voice, but she eventually gains more confidence and sings normally. "I wanna believe in everything that you say. "Cause it sounds sooo good. But if you really want me, move slow. There's things about me, you just have to know. Sometimes I run, sometimes I hide. Sometimes I'm scared of you. But all I really want is to hold you tight. Treat you right. Be with you day and night. Baby all I need is time."

Arianna smiles.

Eliwood smiles.

And yes, even Erk smiles….sort of.

"That was really good! I say yes." Arianna says. "Eli-boy?"

"I could tell you were nervous but I say yes."

"And I say yes so see you on Valor Isle." Erk says.

"Oh! Thank you!" Florina looks utterly shocked that she made it. Her brief moment of amazement is cut short as a loud sound shakes the building.

_**BOOM! THUMP THUMP THUMP! BOOM!**_

Hawkeye comes running _through_ the closed door and then through the wall on the other side of the room. FGoEM follow closely behind, cackling, with Fiora in the rear. Fiora, still on her pegasus and snapping an Elysian whip in the air, orders her group to follow.

"Onward! After him! Eeeheehee!" she yells as she snaps the whip and then flies out the hole with the myrmidons following and laughing stupidly.

"….sis-sister?" Florina manages to say, stunned.

"Ummm…..Riri? What just happened?" Erk asks, clutching at her arm for comfort because while Florina was stunned by it all, Erk was terrified.

"I'm not sure…" Arianna responds, looking more puzzled then anything.

(A/N: I'm typing this at two in the morning and it's been a long week. Have pity on me)

"We need a new door. Again." Eliwood sighs. "And the wall needs fixed."

"Where are we going to get the money to keep fixing all this?" Arianna demands.

"…..um…can I go now?" the briefly forgotten Florina asks.

"Huh? Oh yeah. Bye bye."

"….bye…."

_Out in the waiting room…_

"Hey, other security guard!" Limstella calls.

"Hm?" Oswin answers.

"Go save Hawkeye."

"Why, what's going on?"

"He's being chased by a group of crazy myrmidons led by Fiora."

A long pause follows this as Oswin stares at Limstella looking for a sign that she's just kidding. ".…..no, really, what's going on?" he asks again.

"What?" Heath pops out of nowhere.

"I'm serious!" Limstella insists. "Now take your heavy spears and go save him!"

"I'll go with you." Heath says. "This I've got to see."

_Hawkeye is running down the street….._

"Mommy!" a little girl exclaims, "That guy has a big axe!" This earns her a slap from her mother.

"Watch your language, missy!" the mom scolds. The little girl looks confused and I worry about someone actually understanding what was implied with that little scene there. Heath and Oswin appear on Hyperion.

"There he is…" Heath says, pointing at the large man. Fiora and her GoEM appear, Fiora cackling insanely. "…and there_ she_ is." Heath finishes.

"ATTACK!" Oswin orders and Hyperion dives at FGoEM as Heath and Oswin ready their spears.

"Hey, look! A bird!" Evil Myrmidon Number Seventeen calls out, pointing.

"It's a bat, you moron!" Evil Myrmidon Number Twenty-three argues, smacking EM Number Seventeen.

"It's carrying two guys!" EM Number Seventy-six adds.

"I think they're attacking us with spears!" EM Number One hundred and twenty-six warns the group.

"Ohhhh." FGoEM say.

**-Long Pause-**

-----------------------------------

"**AHHHH!**" They all scream and try to run, but they bump into each other. Heath and Oswin attack.

_WHAM! WHACK! STAB! KICK ASS! SHABLAM!_

"Ow….." moan the GoEM. They now are either knocked out or too injured to get up. Fiora looks at Heath and Oswin as they raise their spears.

"Goodbye." she says shortly and flies off screaming. The two spear-wielders high-five, do a victory dance, yada yada…..until Fiora flies back with a Gang of Evil Beserkers.

"Wassup, my brothers?" Hawkeye greets the newcomers.

"Grrr…" they respond, raising their axes.

"RETREAT!" Heath yells and him, Oswin, and Hawkeye all run inside the building.

_Back in audition room……._

A curtain has been hung as a door and a big piece of cardboard has been taped over the hole.

"Nice redecorating." Erk remarks as Arianna draws on the cardboard with a red marker.

"I think it's ugly." Eliwood states, frowning. Erk rolls his eyes.

"I was being sarcastic."

"Okay, next auditioner." Arianna says as she finishes her drawing and returns to her seat. Wil walks in.

"Hello!" he chirps cheerfully, smiling nice and wide.

"Uhhh...hi." Arianna greets warily. "What are you singing?"

" _Yellow__ Submarine_ by the Beatles."

"Do you even know what a submarine is?" Arianna asks.

"No." Wil answers, smiling stupidly. Erk sweat-drops but chooses not to comment.

"Go ahead, I guess."

"In the town, where I was born." Wil sings loudly. "Lived a man, who sailed to sea. And he told, us of his life. In the land, of submarines. So we sailed, up to the sun. Where we found, the sea of green. And we lived, beneath the waves. In our yellow, submarine." Wil's voice gets steadily louder and Erk pulls his cape over his head to block out some of the noise. It gets to the point where Wil is just screaming, not singing.

"**WE ALL LIVE IN OUR YELLOW SUBMARINE! YELLOW SUBMARINE, YELLOW SUBMARINE! WE ALL LIVE IN OUR-**"

"That's enough, Wil!" Eliwood outshouts the archer. Wil stops and looks expectantly. "Uh, Ri?"

"Very, um, enthusiastic." Arianna says, avoiding the inevitable. "Um, Erk?"

"You were horrible. You weren't singing, you were shouting."

"I like to be loud." Wil says with a smiling.

"No kidding." Erk replies flatly. "I say no."

"I say no, too." Eliwood agrees.

"You can't sing, but maybe you could be the bingo announcer at the old folk's home. They're hard of hearing." Arianna suggests.

"Nah." Wil says, shrugging. "I'd rather be a cheerleader." He runs out of the room doing cartwheels and screaming "GO ELIWOOD'S ELITE!"

"Remind me to never send him into battle ever again." a disturbed Arianna says. "Next!"

Pent walks in and Arianna immediately goes starry-eyed. That is, until an arrow appears dangerously close to her head.

"He's TAKEN!" comes Louise's voice from somewhere out of sight.

"Can I start?" Pent asks, oblivious to the two females.

"Sure." Arianna answers with hearts in her eyes instead of pupils.

"What are you singing, Lord Pent?" Erk asks.

"_Abra__ Kadabra_ by Sugarray."

"I love that song." Arianna comments, "I also love you." To this Erk makes gagging motions.

"Right…I'll start now." Pent says, rather frightened. "I heat up, I can't cool down. You got me spinnin', round and round. Round and round, and round it goes. Where it stops, nobody knows. Everytime you call my name. I heat up like a burning flame. Burning flame, full of desire. Kiss me baby, make the fire go higher. Abra Abrakadabra! I wanna reach out and grab ya. Abra Abrakadabra!"

"Okay, thanks." Eliwood says first. "You have a good voice. I say yes. Erk?"

"I say yes. And I don't think we have to ask Riri." Erk looks at her.

"**YES! YES! I SAY YES!**" Arianna screams anyway. Another arrow hits near Arianna's head and she ducks down under the table.

"HE'S ALREADY MARRIED!" echoes the voice of Louise again.

"That wasn't what I was saying yes to!" Arianna whimpers.

"You're through to the next round, Master Pent. See you on Valor." Erk tells him and Pent nods then walks out. Arianna jumps out from under the table.

"WAIT! Don't leave me!" she begs, diving for his ankles. Eliwood catches her and he straps her to a chair. She starts trying to roll the chair towards the door. "Nooooo!" she cries as the door shuts behind her beloved Pent.

"Get back here, Ri! You have a job to do!" Erk yells angrily.

_Back in waiting room….._

Hello again. While Arianna is being calmed down, we shall talk to the next auditioner. Which is…….Raven!

_Camera shows Raven and Lucius standing by door…_

Raven glares at the camera but Lucius waves cheerfully.

"Hiya! I'm helping Lord Raymond." Lucius explains with a big smile.

"So, what are you singing?" Limstella asks. Raven glares again and she takes a few steps backward.

"It's a secret." Lucius whispers, holding a finger to his lips for added effect.

"Oh. I think you can go in now." Limstella tells them.

_In audition room.._

Arianna is in a strait jacket, strapped to a chair. "EEEeep!" she cries, struggling.

"It's for you own good." Eliwood tells her.

"Actually, it's more for Lord Pent's good." Erk corrects him.

_Back to Limstella…._

So, Raven is trying out! And whatever he is singing, he needs Lucius' help with. Also, will Fiora ever be stopped? Tune in next week to find out!

**-- PREVIEW --**

Last show of auditions!

"Oh I just can't wait to be king!"

**-- END PREVIEW --**

Buh bye!

-------------

------------------

--------------------

-still strapped to chair and in strait jacket-

Arianna: Yo! A little help over here!

Latisha: -listening to cd player- La la la la…

Arianna: -sigh- Oh well. Please review! All reviewers get a rare and valuable Erky Doll!

Lucius: Hey, where did you get those?

Arianna: Ebay.

Matthew: -counting gold- 1,000g, 2,000g, 3,000g…..

Lucius: - -;

Arianna: Okay, I'm gonna try to get this strait jacket off! Goodbye!

**-- END TRANSMISSION –**

(New A/N: When I first posted this a couple years ago in script form, by chapter three I only had about eight reviews. This time around I have twenty-one. Thank you so much to all readers, new and old!)

------

------------

-------------------

------------------------


End file.
